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571 talking about this. Anonymous I know this is unlikely but Im fine with never read that blog again. I hope it wasn't, but as he said in the article, it's none of our damn business. Contact me if youd like to learn more. because I already have bikes Love it. December 31, 2018, 6:33 pm. Hi! Its an unhealthy mindset but I was young and stupid. The Bludger Im so sorry to hear about this. Mr. Money Mustache. Hey MMM.. brave post, way to go. Still, having been through it, I wouldnotrecommend divorce as a decision to be taken lightly. It is proof that the core tenets of Mustachianism really are universal, and truly lead to greater lifetime happiness. The One Hundredth Monkey . No judgment here. Mr. Money Mustache is a pseudonym of Peter Adeney, famous for his financial blogs and his unique way of spending money. They stay in the same guest house and follow the same carefully honed schedulenow accompanied by their three children, twenty-year-old Mary, seventeen-year-old Dick, and little brother Ernie. Unfortunately, there is no account by Lewis that Im aware of in which he shares his own story. They are who they are and while you cant change them, you cant make the world any better by spitting venom back at them. and he sports a thick mustache and a huge, shaggy beard (a beard with lots of hair). Plus I was not the boss of the house. NIGHT'S BLACK AGENTSDIRECTOR'S HANDBOOKkenneth hite gareth ryder-hanrahanby and night's black agentsdirector's. Another inspirational and honest piece of writing. Lets grow a money mo! During this stressful time, I heard of similar stories from others who were also locked in a high-cost battle. I definitely am not willing to be in one just so there is someone to take care of me if Im old and sick (or conversely, I get stuck taking care of someone else after being in an unhappy marriage no to that). You are in crisis, so I think you need to take baby steps and ask everyone in your circle to help. Mrs. MM has always been an independent-minded person who is good with money and decides on her own spending. That cant be easy to do with some people being what they are. Life is full of hardships. I had no idea until I met up with Carl (Mr. 1500) at the MMM HQ last month and he mentioned it. Im just not sure I think your numbers tell the whole story. Then we retired from real work way back in 2005 in order to start a family. but divorce is hard and economically its often devastating so Im pleased its a topic on here, even if there are not many divorcing couples who will find themselves in similar financial circumstances. Divorce is tough. I wish you well! Marriage is a compromise, to be sure, but your starting assumptions are simply not factual. Feel free to share your own experiences and hopes and fears anonymously. While I cant recommend any particular book, if youre looking for a great place to discuss this with other FIRE-minded women, check out http://www.reddit.com/r/FIREyFemmes. Im continually amazed at how you can take difficult circumstances and choices, and come out stronger. Operation Hope 1 hour shifts at local schools teaching 1/5 modules I love this stuff and could talk about how rewarding it is to give back and encourage others to pursue their dreams and practice the financial basics. Thats entirely possible, and it should be your goal. I bought the lowest-cost house in the neighborhood, just a 2.5 minute bike ride down the hill from the family house, and Ive already fixed it upandstarted hosting Airbnb rentals to help make it carry its own weight. Im sorry youre having to go through this. It sounds like you and your ex spouse are both still amazing people and parents but it was also a good reminder to me that achieving FIRE wont make my marriage easier in fact having more time together will give us more opportunities to neglect or fight with each other if we arent vigilant. Mr. Money Mustache Outside of work I spend about 4 hours a week without her. Man, I feel sad. With some counselling and continued learning, I started the path to being a better me in the world. But the good news is that it mightnotbe too late for you, if you do want to stay married. Sorry to hear and youve definitely provided some good advice. Living 2.5 minutes away by bike is a pretty close distance! As someone who has been married for 23 years with 2 teenagers, I understand the ups and downs of a relationship and family. If this blog post inspires some to put the work into their relationship then thats great because I found that there came a point where it was just too late. ThatGuy. So that's the bad news. MM has always been an independent-minded person who is good with money and decides on her own spending. December 31, 2018, 5:04 pm. And when this happens, not even the greatest advantages of a lifetime money surplus or a supportive network of great friends and family or living in a beautiful place can save you. When the ball drops tonight, I start my second career which Im very excited about. My prior career doesnt exist in the US. December 31, 2018, 7:35 pm. Pete Adeney, the man behind the blog . Its definitely hard sometimes, but nurturing a relationship is important. Life continues to get better as time passes. Take a look in the mirra, ya dirty rat bastids! Improving ourselves through better habits and health. December 31, 2018, 5:58 pm. Definitely. Accept the temporary setbacks, wait out the storms and keep moving forward. My spouse was skeptical, so we ran it by a different financial planner and then again with our guy. Besides lowering your expenses to bare minimum, maybe you can rearrange your house (sleep all in the same room) to rent out other rooms to pay for the mortgage and even have some extra money left over. Permies (those in Permaculture) dig gardens, fix things, make great food and enjoy quiet company while doing things together. It seems so much easier for those who are deeply rooted in supportive, non/consumerist communities. I determined that you have very little control over someone elsess happiness, especially at middle age. Very brave to share that news. The number 1 reason FIRE made so much sense to us was our desire to spend so much time together. So thank you for sharing your lifestyle philosophy and also keeping it real. I also mention Facebook because some of my more active meetup groups are also there. But I agree the odds are not good, and to Stans point the odds are higher than people typically state because we usually only reference the divorce rate; something I hadnt thought of but agree with. There are discussion groups, people who like to cook, board games, running, hiking, etc. Addendum #4: Renters for Life If my post above rubbed your fur the wrong way, this . Divorce is flat out trauma. He and his wife had gotten a divorce. Jacob (Early Retirement . (hug). And even then, our human nature will keep pulling us back and well make mistakes. mchrist152 And for those who have been through this and gotten through the other side and found happiness, go ahead and share your message of hope. And the fact that you can live so close and still have a great relationship is a sliver lining. I can tell you from experience that even under the best of circumstances a divorce is emotionally very difficult. Thank you for sharing such a personal and inspirational story. Also, if possible get rid of the car (assuming you have one and the kids are big enough to use public transport by themselves) and start biking. Im excited to read about the new home, Airbnb, and all the positive possibilities that you are growing into if you choose to share. Having experienced it myself and reading ad nauseum on the topic, youre right on about the initiator having the advantage of planning their exit far in advance of the one on the receiving end. Mr. and Mrs. Stevens first made the trip to Bognor Regis on their honeymoon, and the tradition has continued ever since. Dear MMM, sorry to hear what a year its been and I admire the grace with which you and your family have made the best of one of lifes curveballs. You got me on track to live life from a position of strength and positivity. And we can fight back, chasing the unfair person or company or situation and getrevenge. I was ready to move on in life. What year did Mr money Mustache retire? Thank you for sharing this. When I heard the news, I thought to myself, "how could this happen?" How could a couple split up when on paper, everything seemed so perfect? If youre still married and there is even achancethat you want it to last, you might consider the following steps. You or your loved ones will get sick and some of them will die. September 27, 1961. As I am reading your post, I admire your strength to keep it cool through this tough process. They released five studio albums before their dissolution in 1970 and her divorce from John. Thank you. As a long-time reader said to me in a recent email as we discussed our shared fate, having a solid financial cushion and low expenses and lifestyle flexibility, has made the best of an otherwise difficult situation especially in not having to disrupt the lives of our kids. Consider volunteering your time in/with/for a group that either supports your goals or has people similar to you. Consider animal shelters, park/rec groups, etc- very people-interactive. Women may work when they need to or want to. Thats what Ill be up to in 2019. I was the one who asked for the separation so you can blame me for it. Mspbiker What a reminder to tell my wife know how much she means to me, and then to show her with my actions. Ive already downsized my home to something half in value and Im hatcheting expenses like a Halloween psycho! I would even contact their governing body if they really do exaggerate or sensationalize the details of your life event. As for these other people commenting well they can go kick rocks. Some of these (below) are nation-wide and some in Los Angeles County area only. But only if you choose to accept that key and put it to use. Very impressed by your broad viewpoints and wisdom even through tough times like these. I spent quite a while going back and forth over my own divorce after 24 years of marriage that could been better spent elsewhere. Marriage is hard, especially when you have kids. Daniele. So aim to survive. Those are pretty bad odds. DAYS LA long beach program to bring adults back into the work-force Keep on keepin on. Mine was too as we explicitly stated from there our primary concern had to be the kids. I know the hurt, especially at those times when you kiss your kids goodbye until your next assigned custody day(s) to spend with them, and how quiet the house can seem when its just you and your thoughts. House hacking might be an option. (No surprise to anyone.) I think they will! Very sorry to hear, but love your attitude about it. Im 100% certain that I would not be a Mustachian or on the path to FI if I hadnt taken the actions I did when I did. It's a comfortable space that allows for both family living and entertaining. Im so glad to hear you were able to find a suitable house nearby. Dave Mason, We Just Disagree Timeless and true. Pay attention to the new experiences you have on this journey. Being married to the wrong person is such an emotional and psychological drag. November 12, 2019, 9:09 am. The most useful comments are those written with the goal of learning from or helping out other readers after reading the whole article and all the earlier comments. Working from home, traveling by bike and eating at home save $, but its also lonely. I hope thats of some help. Stephen Tamang I am so sorry to hear about your split. Its KBB is about $3500. Hope your son is doing well and my best wishes for you all in 2019. If you think you are hardcore enough to handle Maximum Mustache, feel free to start at the first article and read your way up to the present using the links at the bottom of each article. It is legendary for destroying lives and fortunes, and indeed this is sometimes accurate. Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Blog Post Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free! Because they are worth it. With his divorce though, I imagine that he's currently sitting around 3MM or so. In my experience, of folks in my extended family, the hurt and anger turns the kid into a pawn to hurt the other parent. Where De la Rionda brought to mind Dr Phil, with a mustache, dramatic cadence and appeals to what he described as common sense, Chipperfield, the lead defender, reminded me of Mr Rogers. And for those being nagged: you cannotignorethe requests of your partner for years, and expectthemto forgive you for that either. It definitely is not easy. The Money Mustache Community . filtracion de aire. Mr. Money Mustache said that when he became a frugality apprentice, he was punched frequently and regularly on his face. Thinking of you all, and wishing you all the best. Unfortunately, the internet is a place where nasty voices can gather a lot of steam, but those voices do not reflect the truth that many of us are here for you. We can make sure they knowexactly why they were wrong and every way in which they were flawed. Check out meetup and Facebook groups. And all around you, there will be a sea of fighting and breakups and divorces and mismatched relationships that you wish would end, for your sake or that of your best friends. Complaints and insults generally wont make the cut here, but by all means write them on your own blog! Thank you for sharing, its been a bit over a year since my own too little too late moment. I was still angry but was tempered by her methodical thought process. Your approach is similar to how my European friends handle these situations down to earth and practical-minded with no shame. When they purchased the house it was bland and boring with builder's grade finishes, but Mustache gave the open floor plan lots of personality with pops of bright color, clean-lined furnishings and modern amenities. Thank you for the courageous post. So not much awkwardness. Welcome to the club! You may be two perfectly great people with irreconcilable differences, or there might be one great person stuck with an abusive user or loser, or any other combination in the grand spectrum of possible humans. teach a lesson, attempt to reduce or protect ego) but it very rarely results in the desired outcomes. Been single now for a loooong time. I look forward to hopefully reading some blog posts about your new place and your adventures in Airbnb in the future. I have been married for almost twelve years now, and we have never fought I learned and taught my spouse how to solve differences with love, respect and flexibility. The biggest thing I got from this is how you and your former wife are able to maintain a healthy atmosphere for your child!! I commend you on the cooperative divorce. I am going for the Fearless Maximum approach. Welcome fellow Mustachians! Oh, and if anyone is thinking of driving for Uber or Lyftt, make sure you have a good tip box. She was the main bread winner and came out the winner with a lot more income for herself. I had learned of your divorce through an article, but didnt want to add any comment at all until you were ready to post here. And I find it to be important to pay attention to what peoples actions say, and how they can affect you, and how those actions affect relationships. Hello Mr. Moustache, Its a good example of how divorce can get to an amicable place. Time to extend that badassity to my marriage! I keep telling myself it's cheaper than a divorce. I would still be living the most anti-mustachian life possible, full of drunkeness, cigarettes, and loads of credit card debit (and of course no salads, barbells, or bicycles the MMM TRIFECTA). My husband left in February, leaving me with two children under 4, a mortgage and all the bills. My ex and I did the same. Wishing you and your family a fresh start in 2019. I look forward to reading your future post regarding continued growth. My very amicable divorce became final just two days ago, and i find it normalizing and validating to read your experience. Proceed with extreme caution is my advice. Mr. Money Mustache The gossip has to hurt and the internet can be ruthless, likely filled with people who are experiencing their own levels of hurt. It can be done. MMM Divorce And Kids A divorce is hard on a child. Is it a panacea? December 31, 2018, 5:39 pm, Wow sorry to hear about this. From personal experience I have found the media to be uncivil and just downright cruel. So the former Mrs. MM and I (mostly under her guidance!) One of the best things you did was move down the street from your child. Sometimes people just grow apart over the decades and no matter how much they work at the relationship, find that they want different things from life. * A bit of social approrpriateness that seems to be lost on certain forum participants and even other bloggers, who we wont call out here. Mr Shirts Mr. MM, Ive met a lot of people through meetups. December 31, 2018, 5:49 pm. . Point is many of the years were happy so 96% of my sisters married life was good. Top 5 life crisis type trauma, but it eases with time. Makes a lot of sense. *whispers: I find MMM kind of annoying despite his liberal dose of financial advice that rings true to me*. Thank you for everything you do MMM. Your choice to focus on the positive is very admirable Ive had to learn the hard way that cherishing both the good and bad in life is the only way to live in the present and to value future opportunities, Michael Peterson December 31, 2018, 5:27 pm. Robert Anson Heinlein (/ h a n l a n /; July 7, 1907 - May 8, 1988) was an American science fiction author, aeronautical engineer, and naval officer.Sometimes called the "dean of science fiction writers", he was among the first to emphasize scientific accuracy in his fiction, and was thus a pioneer of the subgenre of hard science fiction.His published works, both fiction and non . Please do take the best possible care of yourself. As parents of a 6, 4, and 2 year old sometimes life is incredibly hard where all were doing is surviving- but in the (many) moments of fun and smiles, its good to go a little deeper than just enjoying whats on the surface and realize the deep joy and bliss. (phoenetic Massachusetts accent)]. Mr. Money Mustache shares his early retirement secrets in an interview for the new Financial Independence Podcast! They are who they are and while you cant change them, you cant make the world any better by spitting venom back at them., This quote really articulated how I have been feeling of late and obviously applies to humanity as a whole.